Comedian Zarna Garg: Zenius
Be Still and Pass the Potatoes
The Indians are the most successful ethnic group in America. The Jews are the second most successful ethnic group in America. As to how they do it is an open playbook.
The Ten Commandments are the foundation. It is hard to adhere to the Ten Commandments if you don't have faith. So faith is the foundation. Faith is important. Indians have a much more sophisticated version of the Ten Commandments. The Bible only has one line that says, be true to your spouse. But the Indians? The Holy Father Vishnu came to earth in human incarnation, and He and His wife went through all sorts of extreme trials and tribulations and stayed true to each other regardless. And that story gets told again and again endlessly.
One of the first things Indians note and complain about America is, in America there is no family.
So the Ten Commandments are the foundation. On that foundation you build the walls and roof of gratitude.
The walls are the body. The roof is the mind.
Exercise. Be thankful for your body. Exercise. A Harvard student back home for a vacation said to me: “When you land in America, the first thing you notice is fat people. Like really, truly fat people.”
You can't go wrong with fruits, vegetables, and nuts. Eating right is 80% of it. And then there is exercise.
You can exercise for strength, stamina, and speed.
When you pull weights, you become stronger. Walking, running, and jogging build stamina. Walking is like swimming, but less intense. When you are walking, you are also using every muscle in your body.
Most people don't know that just like you can train to become stronger, and you can train to last longer, you can also train to become faster.
I learned it from Bruce Lee. Not directly, but. So you try to pull or press against something. Pull something that you absolutely cannot pull, but pull anyway. Do it for a minute or so. Do it a few times. That is how you become faster.
You can also exercise your facial muscles. And look several years younger.
Going to bed at the same time every day can work wonders. Sleep is when the body repairs itself.
For the body, exercise is activity. For the mind it is the other way round. You still your mind. Through deep breathing exercises. “Be still and know that I am God” is about stilling your mind. Too many Christians think that is about becoming couch potatoes.
Lie down. Make all your muscles tense at once, hold, then let go. Do that a few times. That releases tension. Then block one nostril with a thumb. Breathe in very, very slowly. Imagine your entire body is a balloon. You are slowly filling it up with air. And throughout the exercise, think about nothing but that air. Breathe in, hold the air for five to 10 seconds. Then breathe out, very, very slowly. Again hold for five to 10 seconds. And repeat. For several minutes.
If you are actively thinking about the air, you are not thinking about anything else. And that is how you still the monkey mind. It is said the Dalai Lama has the equivalent of a PhD in being still.
The roof. High school and college students should do six-hour Saturdays. You study in hourly chunks. Pick a textbook. The first 10 minutes, you read the keywords, the headlines, the summaries, the titles. Then for 30 minutes read. Then for 10 minutes, again read the summaries and the keywords. And write down what you can recall. Then this next part is key. Take a break for 10 minutes. Get up. Go walk around. Look far into the horizon. Smell the flowers. Be gone. Then come back for another hour, another subject, another chapter. Hour five: write. Not on a computer but with a pen on paper. For 50 minutes. Hour six: solve math problems for 50 minutes.
The Ten Commandments are the foundation. Faith is the foundation. On that foundation you build the walls and roof of gratitude. Which is like saying, fat people are ungrateful people. Anxious people are ungrateful people.
Someone who is thankful for the air she breathes and the water she drinks is going to be happier than someone with a million inherited dollars in the bank who is not thankful. She thinks she bought her own groceries, so why thank God for the daily bread!
The Ten Commandments, Push-Ups, and Why America Forgot How to Breathe
America is a great country. Tremendous country. But let’s start with an uncomfortable statistic they don’t teach in civics class.
The most successful ethnic group in America is Indians. The second most successful ethnic group is Jews.
This is not a conspiracy. This is not a secret cabal meeting in a Costco parking lot. This is an open-book exam, and America keeps forgetting to bring a pencil.
The playbook is right there. Laminated. Highlighted. Possibly chanted at dawn.
Step One: Believe in Something Other Than Netflix
The foundation is the Ten Commandments. Yes, those. The ones Moses dragged down a mountain while everyone else was inventing idol-based side hustles.
But here’s the catch: it’s very hard to follow the Ten Commandments if you don’t actually believe in anything. Faith is not optional. Faith is the concrete. Without it, you’re just stacking vibes on sand.
Indians, meanwhile, looked at the Ten Commandments and said, “Nice starter pack,” and then added a cinematic universe.
The Bible gives you one line: Be true to your spouse.
Indian mythology said: “Let’s make this a 14-episode saga with exile, temptation, war, demons, fire tests, and public scrutiny—and then replay it every year forever.”
Lord Vishnu himself comes down, lives as a human, marries, suffers enormously, and still doesn’t cheat. No footnotes. No loopholes. No ‘it was complicated.’
And Indians wonder why Americans are confused.
One of the first things Indians say when they arrive in America is not about freedom or opportunity. It’s this:
“In America, there is no family.”
They don’t say it angrily. They say it like a doctor reading a lab result. Quiet. Grave. Concerned.
Step Two: Gratitude Is a Building, Not a Hashtag
The Ten Commandments are the foundation. On top of that, you build gratitude.
Not gratitude-as-a-mug. Gratitude-as-architecture.
The walls are the body.
The roof is the mind.
America skipped the blueprint and went straight to decorating.
The Walls: A Nation at War With Vegetables
Exercise. Be thankful for your body. Exercise again, because you clearly didn’t hear it the first time.
A Harvard student once came home from America and said:
“When you land in America, the first thing you notice is fat people. Like really, truly fat people.”
This is not body-shaming. This is observational anthropology.
You can’t go wrong with fruits, vegetables, and nuts. Eating right is 80% of health. The remaining 20% is movement and not pretending that walking to your car counts as cardio.
You train for three things:
Strength
Stamina
Speed
America trains exclusively for “comfort.”
Weights make you stronger. Walking, jogging, and running build stamina. Walking is like swimming, but without drowning and with better podcast options. Every muscle is involved. Yes, even the ones you forgot existed.
And speed? Speed is the forgotten art.
Bruce Lee figured it out. You push or pull against something that does not move. It’s isometric rebellion. You fight the universe for one minute. The universe wins. You get faster anyway.
You can also exercise your face. Yes, your face. Do that and people will ask what skincare routine you use. The answer is “gratitude and cheek muscles,” which will make them uncomfortable.
Sleep matters. Go to bed at the same time every day. Sleep is when your body fixes what you broke scrolling.
The Roof: The Mind Is Not a Gym—Stop Doing Burpees in It
For the body, exercise is activity. For the mind, it’s the opposite.
You still the mind.
“Be still and know that I am God” does not mean “become a couch potato with opinions.” It means shut up internally for five minutes.
Lie down. Tense every muscle. Release. Do it again. Congratulations, you just fired your internal stress committee.
Then breathe. Slowly. Block one nostril like you’re hacking the operating system. Imagine your body is a balloon. All you think about is air.
No emails. No trauma. No arguments you lost in 2012.
If you are thinking about air, you are not thinking about anything else. This is how you tranquilize the monkey mind.
The Dalai Lama is rumored to have a PhD in being still. Americans have a minor in multitasking and a doctorate in anxiety.
Bonus Level: How to Study Without Losing Your Soul
High school and college students should do six-hour Saturdays.
Hourly chunks.
10 minutes skimming
30 minutes reading
10 minutes recalling
10 minutes wandering outside like a human being
Repeat.
Hour five: write by hand. Yes, with a pen. Your brain needs friction.
Hour six: math. Solve problems. Fight numbers. Win.
The Punchline Nobody Likes
The Ten Commandments are the foundation. Faith is the foundation. Gratitude is the structure.
And yes, this leads to the uncomfortable conclusion that fat people are ungrateful people. Anxious people are ungrateful people.
Not morally bad. Structurally unsound.
A person thankful for air and water will be happier than someone with a million inherited dollars who thinks, I bought my groceries, so why thank God for daily bread?
America has everything except the habit of saying thank you—to God, to family, to vegetables, and occasionally, to gravity.
And that, more than anything else, explains the waistlines, the stress levels, and the deeply confused monkey minds.
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