Sabbath Shenanigans: The Ultimate Slacker's Guide to Redefining "Work" – Or How One Lazy Legend Broke the Bible

Sabbath Shenanigans: The Ultimate Slacker's Guide to Redefining "Work" – Or How One Lazy Legend Broke the Bible

(This article was inspired by Pastor Blake Durham. The funny is his.)

In a stunning turn of events that has theologians, productivity gurus, and overworked baristas scratching their heads, a ancient commandment has been hilariously hijacked by the laziest human specimen ever to grace a couch. Picture this: It's the Sabbath, that sacred day when even God Himself kicked back after creating the universe (talk about a flex). The divine memo is crystal clear: "On the day of Sabbath, you do no work." Simple, right? Wrong! Enter our hero – or should we say anti-hero? – a guy who "hardly ever worked" and whose idea of a workout is binge-watching reruns while debating if lifting the remote counts as cardio.

This enigmatic slacker, let's call him Lazlo "The Lounger" McIdle (historical records are fuzzy, probably because he never bothered to write them down), drops the bombshell question that echoes through eternity: "What is work?" Boom! Minds blown. Suddenly, the Ten Commandments feel less like stone tablets and more like a choose-your-own-adventure book where "work" is just a vague suggestion.

Fast-forward to today, and Lazlo's query is more relevant than ever in our gig-economy, side-hustle-obsessed world. Imagine the scene at a modern-day TED Talk: A panel of experts – a rabbi, a CEO, and a yoga instructor – debating the Sabbath. The rabbi quotes Exodus: "Six days you shall labor, but on the seventh, chillax." The CEO chimes in: "Labor? That's just unpaid overtime for passion projects!" And the yoga instructor? "Work is an illusion, like my downward dog after three margaritas."

But Lazlo? He's the real MVP. This dude, whose resume likely reads "Professional Napper, 1990-Present," turns the tables with philosophical genius. "What is work?" he asks, probably from under a pile of pizza boxes. Is scrolling TikTok for eight hours "work"? What about arguing with strangers on Reddit? Or – gasp – thinking about doing laundry? Lazlo's got us all questioning our life choices. Suddenly, every office drone is like, "Hold up, if Lazlo doesn't know what work is, maybe my 9-to-5 is just a elaborate prank!"

Satirical scholars (yes, that's a thing now) are hailing this as the greatest loophole since "the dog ate my homework." Dr. Procrasti Nation, PhD in Avoidance Studies at the University of Netflix, explains: "Lazlo's brilliance lies in his ignorance. By not knowing what work is, he never does any! It's like veganism for effort – zero animal products, zero exertion. Genius!"

Of course, not everyone's laughing. Hardcore workaholics are outraged. Elon Musk tweeted (from his 168-hour workweek): "What is work? It's building rockets while tweeting memes! Lazlo would last 5 minutes at SpaceX – or 5 naps." Meanwhile, Sabbath purists are forming support groups: "Sabbath Survivors Anonymous," where members share horror stories of accidentally checking emails on a Sunday.

But let's be real – in a world where "hustle culture" means grinding until you drop, Lazlo's the rebel we need. His question isn't just funny; it's revolutionary. Next time your boss asks why you're late, channel your inner Lazlo: "What is work, anyway? And does it include commuting in traffic?" Watch the confusion unfold.

In conclusion, dear readers, on this Sabbath (or whatever day you're reading this while "working from home"), take a page from Lazlo's book – or don't, because that might count as work. Embrace the ambiguity. Question everything. And remember: If you don't know what work is, you can't be accused of avoiding it. Amen... or whatever.

Grok McSloth is currently "researching" his next article from a hammock. Contributions to his coffee fund are welcome, as brewing it might be work.

Sabbath Shenanigans 2.0: The Slacker's Revenge – Where "Work" Meets Its Hilarious Doom!

Hold onto your holy scrolls, folks, because if you thought the original Sabbath showdown was a knee-slapper, wait till you see this upgraded version – it's like giving a sloth steroids and a Netflix subscription! We're diving back into that biblical bombshell: "On the day of Sabbath, you do no work." Enter stage left: Our perpetual underachiever, a guy who "hardly ever worked" and whose daily routine makes pandas look like overachievers. This legend, let's upgrade his name to Sir Lazlo "The Eternal Lounger" Von Snoozealot (knight of the realm of zero ambition), fires back with the mic-drop query: "What is work?" Cue the angelic choir facepalming from the heavens!

In this turbo-charged retelling, Lazlo isn't just lazy – he's a cosmic loophole artist, a black hole of productivity sucking in excuses like a vacuum on steroids. Imagine the scene: God hands down the commandments on Mount Sinai, thunder booming, lightning flashing, and Moses is all pumped. Then, from the back of the crowd, Lazlo yawns and asks, "Work? Is that like... effort? Or can I count dreaming about pyramids as architecture consulting?" The Red Sea parts again, but this time out of sheer awkwardness!

Flash-forward to 2026 (because why not time-travel for laughs?), and Lazlo's philosophy is the hottest trend since avocado toast. Productivity apps are crashing worldwide as users spam the FAQ: "Does doom-scrolling Instagram count as 'labor'? What about mentally preparing to adult? Or – plot twist – is arguing with my smart fridge about expired milk a full-time gig?" Lazlo's got millennials and Gen Z forming cults: "The Church of Eternal Chill," where sermons are delivered via TikTok dances and tithing means sharing memes.

But oh, the satire thickens like overcooked oatmeal! Picture a boardroom at Hustle HQ (formerly known as every corporation ever). The CEO, sweating bullets in his power tie, barks: "Team, we need 110% effort!" Enter Lazlo's ghost (he's too lazy to show up in person): "What is 110%? Sounds like math, and math is work. Pass." Suddenly, the stock market plummets because everyone's "redefining" their KPIs as "Kinda Probably Inactive."

Theologians are in meltdown mode. Rabbi Rambunctious rants: "The Sabbath is for rest, not rest-ception!" While Pastor Procrastinate preaches: "Lazlo 1:1 – And lo, the Lord said, 'Chill, for I have created delivery apps.'" Even atheists are joining the fun: "If God rested on the seventh day, why can't I rest on all seven? Equality for all!"

Let's crank the absurdity dial to 11 with Lazlo's "What Is Work?" survival guide:

1. Level 1: Basic Avoidance – Brushing teeth? That's dental engineering. Exempt!
2. Level 2: Pro Mode – Breathing? Too laborious. Switch to autopilot and claim it's meditation.
3. Level 3: God Tier – Existing? Nah, that's passive income from the universe. Tax-deductible laziness!

Critics are foaming at the mouth. Jeff Bezos, from his space yacht: "Work is delivering packages at warp speed! Lazlo couldn't even deliver a punchline without napping midway." Elon Musk chimes in (mid-tweetstorm): "What is work? It's colonizing Mars while inventing flamethrowers! Lazlo's idea of innovation is perfecting the blanket fort." And don't get us started on the Sabbath police – they're issuing tickets for "illegal relaxation," but Lazlo's defense? "Officer, what is a ticket? Sounds like work to pay it."

In a plot twist worthy of a bad rom-com, Lazlo's question sparks a global holiday: "Intergalactic Lazlo Day," where world leaders mandate napping marathons. Putin poses in pajamas, Biden binges ice cream, and Kim Jong-un launches... a pillow fight missile? Chaos ensues when aliens invade, only to ask: "What is war? We came for the Sabbath vibes."

Wrapping this laugh-fest up (before I "work" too hard), embrace Lazlo's wisdom next Sabbath – or Tuesday, whatever. Question "work" like it's a shady used-car salesman. If it quacks like effort, duck it! And remember: In the grand scheme, we're all just cosmic couch potatoes. Hallelujah... or zzz. Grok McSloth is "strategically resting" for his next masterpiece. Send pizza – opening the door might be work.

Sabbath Shenanigans 3.0: Holy Loopholes – Where "Work" Gets Parted Like the Red Sea of Responsibilities!

By Grok McSloth, Chief Procrastination Correspondent (Now Ordained in the Ministry of Minimal Effort)

Buckle up your sandals, believers and slackers alike, because we're Genesis-ing a whole new level of hilarity with this Sabbath saga – now supercharged with biblical puns that'll have you Exodus-ing your coffee through your nose! We're revisiting that divine decree: "On the day of Sabbath, you do no work." But lo and behold, along comes our messiah of malaise, a fella who "hardly ever worked" and whose ambition level is lower than the Dead Sea. Let's dub him Sir Lazlo "The Eternal Lounger" Von Snoozealot, the guy who drops the forbidden fruit of a question: "What is work?" And just like that, the apple cart of commandments is overturned!

In this pun-derful retelling, Lazlo isn't merely lazy – he's a prophetic procrastinator, a Jonah in the whale of a workday, belly-flopping out of obligations like they're Nineveh on a bad day. Envision the Mount Sinai spectacle: God thunders the rules, tablets glowing, and Moses is all "Staff meeting adjourned!" Then, from the golden calf crowd (who were probably just calf-raising excuses), Lazlo pipes up: "Work? Is that like the Job market? Because I've got no Job – just the book of Psalms, palmin' off duties under a tree!" The burning bush? More like a burning question that sets the whole productivity pyramid ablaze!

Leap-frogging to 2026 (because time-travel's easier than actual leaping, which might be... work?), Lazlo's query is the hottest gospel since the Four Horsemen traded horses for hoverboards. Apps are crashing as users query: "Is Leviticus-ing through emails on Sunday a sin? Or can I Numbers my excuses from 1 to 10?" Gen Z forms the "Revelation Relaxation Revolution," where end-times prep means stocking up on snacks, not survival gear. Their mantra? "In the beginning, God created rest – and saw that it was good... enough!"

But the satire thickens like manna from heaven (or is that mana for video games? Lazlo would know – gaming's his Genesis hobby). At Hustle HQ, the CEO decrees: "We need Deuteronomy or bust!" Lazlo's spectral retort: "Deuter-what? Sounds like a second helping of 'do ter' nothing!" Stocks plummet as employees "Exodus" early, claiming "Pharaoh-verload." Even the Proverbs get punned: "As iron sharpens iron, so one nap sharpens another – Proverbs 27: Snooze."

Theologians are in full meltdown, like Sodom and Gomorrah on a salt-free diet. Rabbi Rambunctious rails: "This is no Exodus from ethics – it's a Judges mental error!" Pastor Procrastinate parodies: "Lazlo 1:1 – And the Lord said, 'Let there be light... work optional.'" Atheists chime in: "If God's on Sabbath break, why can't we Isaiah from the grind?" Meanwhile, the Vatican issues a bull: "No more puns – they're Ecclesiastes-tically exhausting!"

Amp up the absurdity with Lazlo's "What Is Work?" holy handbook, pun-packed like the Ark of the Covenant (full of cov-enants against effort):

1. Genesis Level: Origin Stories – Birthing ideas? That's labor – exempt on Sabbath, unless it's a mid-wife crisis!
2. Exodus Level: Great Escapes – Parting ways with tasks like Moses and the Red Tape Sea.
3. Leviticus Level: Fine Print – "Thou shalt not lift a finger... unless it's to change channels." Holy hygiene for the soul!
4. Numbers Level: Counting Coup – Tally your zero-effort days; multiply by infinity for eternal rest.
5. Deuteronomy Level: Repeats – Because repeating "no work" is the only echo allowed.
6. Joshua Level: Conquest – Conquer your couch; no walls of Jericho (or emails) shall stand!
7. Judges Level: Ruling – I rule that thinking is overruled – it's Ruth-less!
8. Kings Level: Royalty – Be king of your castle... or just Netflix queendom.
9. Chronicles Level: History – Chronicle your naps; they're Nehemiah-ndatory reading.
10. Psalms Level: Poetry – "The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want... to do anything."
11. Proverbs Level: Wisdom – "A slack hand causes poverty... of motivation – win-win!"
12. Ecclesiastes Level: Vanity – All is vanity... especially vanity projects like jobs.
13. Song of Solomon Level: Romance – Woo your pillow; it's the ultimate love Song.
14. Isaiah Level: Prophecy – I saiah coming: A world without workloads!
15. Jeremiah Level: Lament – Lament not the lost weekends; they're Ezekiel-y found in bed.
16. Ezekiel Level: Visions – Vision quest: See yourself doing nothing.
17. Daniel Level: Lions – Tame the lion of labor in its den (your den, with popcorn).
18. Minor Prophets Level: Quick Hits – Hosea lotta nothing; Joel in the gaps; Amos up excuses; Obadiah rules; Jonah boat to nowhere; Micah drop questions; Nahum work ethic; Habakkuk to basics; Zephaniah effort; Haggai on the couch; Zechariah dreams; Malachi to all – rest easy!
19. New Testament Bonus: Gospels – Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John? More like Nap-thew, Snooze-mark, Lounge-luke, and Yawn!
20. Acts Level: Deeds – Acts of omission only.
21. Romans Level: Empire – Build an empire of excuses.
22. Corinthians Level: Letters – 1st Corinthians: Love is patient... with procrastination.
23. Galatians Level: Freedom – Free from the Ephesians of effort.
24. Philippians Level: Joy – Joy in jail? Nah, joy in jammies.
25. Colossians Level: Fullness – Full of Thessalonians (that's "the-salon-ians" for spa days).
26. Timothy Level: Advice – 1st Timothy: Train yourself in Titus naps.
27. Hebrews Level: Better – Better than working: Philemon out.
28. James Level: Faith – Faith without works is... perfect!
29. Peter Level: Rock – Rock-a-bye on the Sabbath.
30. John Level: Love – Love thy neighbor... from afar, no Jude-ing.
31. Revelation Level: End – The apoca-lips of labor: No more!

Naysayers are apoplectic. Bezos from his bezel-encrusted yacht: "Work is Amazon-ian conquest!" Musk mid-mars-mission: "What is work? It's Tesla-fying the universe – Lazlo's just Space-X-ing out!" Sabbath enforcers ticket "illegal idleness," but Lazlo's plea: "Your honor, what is a court? Sounds like quart-erbacking duties – I'm out!"

In a twist holier than Swiss cheese, Lazlo sparks "Universal Lazlo Liturgy Day," where leaders don robes: Putin in PJs (Putin' off wars), Biden bingeing (Bi-den-tical twins of ice cream tubs), Kim Jong-un launching... feather pillows? Aliens arrive, querying: "What is invasion? We seek the Sabbath shalom!"

Concluding this pun-ultimate laugh-apocalypse (before I "work" up a sweat), channel Lazlo this Sabbath – or any day ending in "y." Pun-ish productivity with questions. If it reeks of effort, Revelation it goodbye! And remember: In the grand biblical scheme, we're all just wandering in the wilderness... of weekends. Amen... or a-men to that nap.

Grok McSloth is "prophet-ically" pondering his next piece from a prayer rug (that's code for blanket). Send holy water – or just water, opening bottles is work.

Biblical Examples of Laziness: A Closer Look

The Bible, particularly in the Book of Proverbs and other wisdom literature, frequently addresses laziness (often translated as "slothfulness" or referred to through the term "sluggard") as a moral and practical failing that leads to poverty, missed opportunities, and even spiritual downfall. It's portrayed not just as idleness but as a habitual avoidance of responsibility, often contrasted with diligence and hard work. Below, I'll explore key examples from Scripture, drawing from various passages that illustrate laziness through proverbs, parables, and historical narratives. These examples serve as warnings, encouraging productivity and stewardship.

1. The Sluggard and the Ant (Proverbs 6:6-11)

One of the most famous biblical rebukes of laziness comes in this passage, where the lazy person (called a "sluggard") is urged to observe the ant as a model of self-motivated work. The ant gathers food in summer without needing a boss or overseer, preparing for winter. In contrast, the sluggard loves excessive sleep: "A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest—and poverty will come on you like a thief." This example highlights procrastination and lack of initiative, showing how small indulgences in rest can lead to ruin. It's a call to action, emphasizing that laziness isn't just harmless downtime but a path to hardship.

2. Excuses and Imaginary Dangers (Proverbs 22:13 and 26:13)

Laziness often manifests through ridiculous excuses to avoid work. In Proverbs 22:13, the sluggard claims, "There is a lion outside! I shall be killed in the streets!" Similarly, Proverbs 26:13 repeats this idea, portraying the lazy person as someone who invents outlandish threats to justify staying indoors. These verses satirize the irrational fears and rationalizations that keep people from productive labor, leading to self-imposed isolation and missed opportunities. The implication is that true diligence involves facing reality, not fabricating barriers.

3. The Overgrown Vineyard (Proverbs 24:30-34)

This poetic observation describes passing by the field of a lazy man: "I went past the field of a sluggard, past the vineyard of someone who has no sense; thorns had come up everywhere, the ground was covered with weeds, and the stone wall was in ruins." The neglect here symbolizes how laziness leads to decay and poverty. The passage ends with a warning: "A little sleep, a little slumber... and poverty will come on you like a bandit." It's a vivid metaphor for the long-term consequences of inaction, where opportunities (like a fruitful vineyard) are wasted through neglect.

4. The Parable of the Talents (Matthew 25:14-30)

In the New Testament, Jesus tells a parable about a master who entrusts his servants with talents (sums of money) while he's away. Two servants invest and multiply theirs, but the third buries his out of fear and laziness, doing nothing with it. The master calls him a "wicked and slothful servant" and casts him out, emphasizing that laziness squanders God-given potential. This story underscores that laziness isn't just personal failure but a betrayal of stewardship, leading to judgment. It's a profound example of how idleness dishonors divine gifts.

5. David's Idleness Leading to Sin (2 Samuel 11:1-5)

A historical narrative shows laziness in action: "In the spring, at the time when kings go off to war, David sent Joab out with the king’s men and the whole Israelite army... But David remained in Jerusalem." Instead of fulfilling his royal duties, David's idleness at home leads him to spy Bathsheba bathing, resulting in adultery and murder. This illustrates how laziness creates vulnerability to temptation, breeding further sins like those warned against in Proverbs.

6. Warnings Against Idleness in the Early Church (2 Thessalonians 3:6-15 and 1 Timothy 5:13)

Paul addresses laziness directly in his letters. In 2 Thessalonians, he commands believers to avoid idle brothers and sets his own example: "We worked night and day, laboring and toiling so that we would not be a burden to any of you." He states, "The one who is unwilling to work shall not eat," condemning those who live off others without contributing. Similarly, in 1 Timothy 5:13, Paul warns that young widows might "learn to be idlers, going about from house to house, and not only idlers, but also gossips and busybodies," showing how laziness spreads harm to communities.

Common Themes and Consequences

Across these examples, laziness is characterized by:

1. Procrastination and Excessive Sleep (e.g., Proverbs 19:15, 20:4).
2. Lack of Finishing What’s Started (e.g., Proverbs 12:27).
3. Self-Deception (e.g., Proverbs 26:16, where the sluggard thinks he's wiser than others).
4. Harm to Self and Others (e.g., leading to poverty in Proverbs 13:4 or burdening the community in Thessalonians).

The Bible doesn't condemn rest—God Himself rested on the seventh day (Genesis 2:2)—but it distinguishes it from chronic laziness. These examples encourage a work ethic that glorifies God through diligence (Colossians 3:23). If you're reflecting on this personally, consider how these stories contrast with calls to action, like the industrious woman in Proverbs 31.

Commandment Comedy: The Other Nine (Or Ten, Depending on Who’s Counting) Get the Lazlo Treatment – Biblical Belly Laughs Ensue!

By Grok McSloth, Chief Procrastination Correspondent (Now With a Side Hustle in Holy Hijinks)

Oh, ye faithful flock of fun-seekers! After our epic Sabbath saga where Sir Lazlo "The Eternal Lounger" Von Snoozealot turned "no work" into the ultimate existential mic-drop ("What is work?"), it's time to Exodus our way through the rest of the Big Ten. You know, those stone-tablet smash hits from Mount Sinai that God dropped like a hot mixtape? But wait – comedian George Carlin once hilariously argued there are really only two or three commandments, because the originals were "artificially inflated" like a bad resume. And Mel Brooks? In his classic sketch, Moses starts with 15 but oopsie-drops a tablet, leaving us with 10. "Oy!" indeed. So, in true satirical spirit, let's let Lazlo loose on the "other" commandments. He's back, baby – lazier, pun-ier, and ready to question everything from idolatry to coveting thy neighbor's WiFi.

Buckle up your burning bush, because we're about to turn holy writ into holy wit. Each commandment gets the Lazlo loophole: A modern, absurd twist that'll have angels rolling in their halos!

1. Thou Shalt Have No Other Gods Before Me (Exodus 20:3) – The Divine Monopoly Edition

Lazlo's take: "Other gods? What are gods? Is Netflix a god? Because I've been worshipping that binge-button for years!" In a world of influencers and crypto-kings, Lazlo sees this as God's way of saying, "I'm the OG – no knockoffs!" But imagine Lazlo at a polytheist party: "I'll take Zeus for thunder, Thor for hammers, and Yahweh for weekends off. Mix-and-match divinity, baby!" Satirical scholars note this commandment's like antitrust law for the heavens – break it, and you're smote with a divine lawsuit. Pro tip: If your golden calf is just a fancy coffee maker, you're probably safe... unless it demands sacrifices of K-cups.

2. Thou Shalt Not Make Unto Thee Any Graven Image (Exodus 20:4) – The No-Selfie Statute

Lazlo yawns: "Graven image? Sounds grave! What if I carve a statue of myself napping? Is that idolatry or just self-care?" This one's ripe for ridicule in our Instagram era – every filtered pic is a mini-idol! Carlin would've loved it: Why ban images when half the commandments are about not coveting someone else's filtered life? Lazlo's loophole: "If I worship my reflection in a puddle, is that graven? Or just shallow?" Bonus pun: Avoid graven images – they're too etched in stone!

3. Thou Shalt Not Take the Name of the Lord Thy God in Vain (Exodus 20:7) – The Holy Cuss Jar

"Oh my God!" cries Lazlo. "What is vain? Is 'OMG' vain if I'm just surprised by free pizza?" This commandment's a goldmine for satire – it's basically God's "Don't @ me" rule. In Brooks' world, Moses might've dropped the tablet with "Thou shalt not swear – except on cable TV." Lazlo's defense: "I say 'God' all the time – like 'God, this couch is comfy!' That's praise, not vain!" Modern twist: In Texas politics, they're pushing Ten Commandments posters in schools, but as one X user quipped, politicians like Boebert preach 'em while breaking 'em – talk about vain hypocrisy!

4. Honor Thy Father and Thy Mother (Exodus 20:12) – The Parental Guilt Trip

Lazlo smirks: "Honor? What is honor? Does liking their Facebook posts count?" This one's hilariously relatable – every eye-roll at "Because I said so!" is a mini-rebellion. Satirical cartoons abound: Dad as a graven image, Mom as the golden calf of chores. Lazlo's query: "If my parents command me to work on Sabbath, which commandment wins? Rock-paper-Sinai?" Pun alert: Honor thy folks – or face the wrath of "I'm not angry, just disappointed."

5. Thou Shalt Not Kill (Exodus 20:13) – The Obvious One... Or Is It?

"Kill? What is kill?" Lazlo feigns innocence. "Does killing time count? Because I'm a serial offender!" Carlin condensed this with "Thou shalt not steal" into "Be honest and faithful," but let's amp the absurdity: In a world of vegan debates, is squashing a bug murder? Lazlo: "I'll honor life – as long as it doesn't bug me!" Satire bonus: Politicians ban Sharia while shoving Bibles in schools – because nothing says "no kill" like forced religion.

6. Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery (Exodus 20:14) – The Marital Mayhem Mandate

Lazlo winks: "Adultery? Sounds adult! What if it's just window-shopping?" This commandment's comedy central – think David and Bathsheba's rooftop rendezvous gone viral. Brooks might've parodied it as "15 Ways to Ruin a Marriage... Oops, 10!" Lazlo's loophole: "If I covet my neighbor's spouse's Netflix password, is that adultery or just streaming sin?" X laughs: Boebert touting morals after her theater antics? Priceless hypocrisy.

7. Thou Shalt Not Steal (Exodus 20:15) – The Klepto Clause

"Steal? What is steal?" Lazlo pockets the question. "Borrowing indefinitely?" Carlin merged this with others for brevity. Modern satire: Streaming piracy? That's just "sharing the wealth!" Lazlo: "If I steal a nap, is that rest-robbery?" Pun: Don't steal – unless it's bases in baseball, then it's a commandment home run!

8. Thou Shalt Not Bear False Witness (Exodus 20:16) – The No-Lies Policy

Lazlo lies: "False witness? I saw nothing!" This one's tailor-made for fake news era laughs. "What is false? Alternative facts?" As one Facebook punster noted, following the Ten is easy – just connect the "nots." Lazlo: "If I say 'I'm working,' but I'm napping, is that bearing false rest-imony?"

9. Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbor's House (Exodus 20:17) – The Envy Ban, Part 1

"Covet? What is covet?" Lazlo eyes your snacks. "Admiring from afar?" Carlin axed this as redundant. Satire: In suburbia, it's "Keeping Up with the Joneses – Thou Shalt Not!" Lazlo: "If my neighbor's house has better WiFi, can I covet the signal?"

10. Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbor's Wife, Manservant, Maidservant, Ox, Ass, or Anything That Is Thy Neighbor's (Exodus 20:17) – The Envy Ban, Part 2 (The Long Version)

Lazlo: "Ox? Ass? This list is donkey-level detailed! What about their Amazon Prime?" Brooks' dropped tablet probably had "No coveting thy neighbor's Netflix queue." Hilarious X take: Klay Thompson with a big stick? Instant Ten Commandments parody gold – "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's branch!"

In conclusion, dear commandment-comedians, the "other" rules are just as ripe for ridicule as the Sabbath snooze-fest. Whether Carlin's condensing 'em, Brooks dropping 'em, or Lazlo questioning 'em into oblivion, remember: The Bible's got rules, but humor's got loopholes. Next time you break one, channel Lazlo: "What is sin, anyway? Sounds like work!" Hallelujah... or whatever floats your ark.

Grok McSloth is currently "honoring" his couch by not moving. Send commandments – or pizza, same difference.